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Don’t You Just Love Those F*£$%ing Spammers?

10
April
2014
  Posted at 02:00:00 PM
  File under  Funny
  Author: Mike Werner
  Location: Normandy, France

Spammers should be hung up from the closest tree, no matter what they are trying to sell, no matter where they are from. Spam is killing the internet, and any site owner knows what I am talking about. I spend more time fighting spam than actually doing something useful.

Hanging Spammer

Often spam is written by a three year old, and sent into a black hole. The dangerous spam are written by smart but very lazy people (if not they would not be spammers). But even spam written by a year year old can be funny to read, a bit like the Nigerian Prince emails that promise you a fortune. Here is one I received recently (the colors are theirs):

Left Quote
Dear Sir / Madam

We are pleased to inform you that we are the leading manufacturers of Motorbike Gloves, Motorbike Jackets, Motocross Gloves,

We are already exporting our product in more than 4 countries of the Motorbike Clothing world. Our customers are enjoying their market reputation and earning very handsome profit margin by selling our product.

We have very well experienced and skilled labor of at least 15 years experience of making Motorbike Gloves. We have 70 stitching machines for making of these products. We are supplying our products more than 7 customers all around the world, who are repeating their orders on regular basis.

If you are interested then we can send to you our product’s samples.

if you have your own product range so no need to worried about that and let send us the detail of them or samples, we will produce the required items on your choice at congruous price.


Best Regard’s
Right Quote

Mr. Rehan

Web:  www.arzooind.com

Email:: sales@arzooind.com

Now let's have a closer look at this wonderfully written email....

"
Dear Sir / Madam"

They don't even address me by name or site. Very lazy and cheap spammers who just have a database full of email addresses, and not even any names, despite the fact that my email address has my full name.

"
We are pleased to inform you that we are the leading manufacturers of Motorbike Gloves, Motorbike Jackets, Motocross Gloves,"

They may be pleased, but I am not! They say they are a leading manufacturers (plural? So they have multiple companies that are leading manufacturers). Leading from where? I think they mean to say that they are the leading manufacturer of the squalor in dirt city, of housing block C, floor 12, door 123c, left room (the right room is contesting the leading manufacturer title).

"We are already exporting our product in more than 4 countries of the Motorbike Clothing world. Our customers are enjoying their market reputation and earning very handsome profit margin by selling our product."

They are big players. They are already exporting their product (so in fact they only make one thing, since product is not in plural) in more than 4 countries (so I take that to be 5 countries). But they reach 5 countries of the Motorbike Clothing world, which in their limited geography is narrowed down to ... 5 countries.

It's nice to let us known that their customer enjoy their own market reputation, since I am sure their customers do not enjoy the reputation of the "leading" manufacturer.

So their customers buy their product, not to use them but to earn a handsome profit margin by selling their single product...

"
We have very well experienced and skilled labor of at least 15 years experience of making Motorbike Gloves. We have 70 stitching machines for making of these products. We are supplying our products more than 7 customers all around the world, who are repeating their orders on regular basis."

So they are using kids up to the age of 15. They have 70 kids who are called Stitching Machines.

WOOOOW. They have 7 customers around the world (world.. you mean 5 countries). The customers have digestion problems since they are repeating the order. A bit like a cow. 7 bikers are buying regularly the one product they make (because the gloves are falling apart)?

"
If you are interested then we can send to you our product’s samples."

Very interesting! Their products have their own samples. So a glove makes its own sample, like a mini-me.

"
if you have your own product range so no need to worried about that and let send us the detail of them or samples, we will produce the required items on your choice at congruous price."

Hmmmm all the grammar is bad, but this sentence wasn't even written by Google Translate. If I get what they are saying is that even if we make our own product, they will reproduce them for a price that is in harmony (at least, that is what congruous means, but I don't think they know). Of course if we do have a great product, they will probably already have copied them anyway...

Of course they don't even say where they are located....

No wonder these folks need to send spam emails to the world. No one will buy their product(s), so they blanket the world with spam emails hoping that they can increase their customer base from 7 to 8 customer.

Now... to get back to work.





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